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Healthy attachments

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Are your attachments healthy?

Last night I came across some photos of my ‘past life, and those reminded me of just how much attachment I had with that life, how identified I was with it. I was totally dissolved in the relationship I had, I was proud of but very protective ofo my partner, and my happiness was completely dependent on the happiness of that relationship. Some people might call this Love (I used to),  but I know now it isn’t. It is clinging, making someone else responsible for your happiness and forgetting who you really are… And when the relationship fell out, there was a total void. It was like there was nothing left…no Me.  

In my case it was an unhealthy attachment to my partner. But there could be many more attachments that are not healthy.  To the things we own, to our jobs, to the way we look, even to our children.

We all have and enjoy certain degree of attachment, or identification with, in our lives. We are not Buddha’s to be able to leave in total detachment from people and things. But it is important to reflect that there are gradations in the way we attach. And often there is a lot of unhealthy attachment going on leading to stress, illnesses, depressions etc.

Why not healthy? Because we start to believe that the subject of our attachment is The source of our happiness. We give someone or something control over our happiness. Would you call that healthy?

Are you afraid to loose a partner you are with? Are you scared to think of the moment your children will leave your nest empty? Are you scared to be alone, always looking for other people or things (Netflix?) to feel your emptiness? And are you afraid to loose the beauty of today and go further and further clinging to your looks?  What if you were to loose any of the above, how would you feel? would you be able to accept that?

Unhealthy attachments come from Fear. Or its variations, like shortage, un satisfaction with oneself etc etc.

Healthy attachments come from Love. Abundance. Lightness. Compassion.

Of course we cherish our children. But we don’t ‘own them’, we are only there to guide them for a short period of time, and the thought of them leading their own life should not scare us.  I remember a dear friend, mother of 4, told me when my son was just born, “being a parent is about letting go, from the moment they are born”. Luckily I got what she meant, I wouldn’t have few years before that when I had not idea about any of this.

Of course no one wants their partner to leave if they are happy together. But the real love relationship is not based on a fear of being alone or losing the other. It is based on the giving and sharing. ‘Find your happiness With the other person, noFrom the other person”, a wise teacher once said.  If you do feel unhealthy attachment and fear about loosing those relationships, get to the bottom of those fears. And if they are unreal, purely your mental creation, stop them! or they will materialize. And if they are real, accept what is there and move on.

And of course we should enjoy our looks if we have them, and maybe even use them. But they should not be the source of our happiness and our self worth.

We are not our relationships…we have them and take care of them. We are not our mind and body… we have them and take care of them. We are just Souls playing Roles. These are not just words. This is how it is. Amen:)

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